October 4, 2011

Analyze Turks


Their building is on fire, residents are in fight
I can't write a blog on Turkish people and not mention their anger issues. We are a nation of ninety million frustrated, irritated, testy, tempered, mad, bitter, touchy, raged and infuriated people, also known as "nervous" people. All Turkish  men, women, and children alike are constantly annoyed and endlessly nervous: "You are getting married to my ex-wife? Here, I will kill you!", or "Mini-skirt on a public bus? Let's beat her up!!", or " You can't smoke during Ramadan? You infidel! I will beat you up so bad, you prefer you were in Hell!!!" and so on...

Turks are nomads; having hunted and lived on horses all their lives, they frequently moved from one place to another. Since fighting was what they did best, the Ottomans sent them to the borders to defend the Empire, and banned them from settling in Istanbul for fear that they would vandalize the city. 


Fury and the beast (notice his gun)
The downfall of the Turks though starts with the Chinese (wall) and continues later with the Europeans, who categorized us as "Barbarians" without ever noticing that their kind (or any other kind) can be as barbaric as the Turks themselves. Then the Americans made a movie called "Midnight Express", further and forever tainting our reputation around the world. And finally, the Greeks -who were always in the picture- kept handing out wad of pamphlets filled up with horrifying stories on Turks, because they could NEVER forgive us for taking over Constantinople. 

Yes, we are a very unhappy, rejected, manic-depressive culture indeed. Other nations tried very hard to cure us. Arabs gave us coffee and drugs (and their religion), Japanese loved us unconditionally and Russians sent their beautiful, smart women to calm our men down... Unfortunately, none of this worked. May be because not a single one of them gave us enough time and asked what our problem is. All we wanted was one minute, just one minute to tell you what is going on...  

Never tell your patient to calm down
When you are unhappy and manage to take your anger on someone (in the form of swearing, beating, driving over, butchering or shooting), all you need is to come up with some simple excuse. And Turks are great at that! Headlines in the "third page" of major newspapers are full of such excuses for someone looking for inspiration: "It's Ramadan and I was hungry" or "I didn't like what he said about Allah" or "He was staring at me" or "They were holding hands". Or simply, " Mazeretim var, asabiyim ben (I have an excuse, I am nervous)".

I was ten years old and trying to learn how to ride my bike when I lost control and hit a little girl holding her Dad's hand. It was a very hot day in the summer and it was Ramadan. I fell down, so did the little girl. We were both fine, though; I had a few scratches and the little girl was a bit shocked but didn't even shed a tear. Her Dad though was quite annoyed; he kicked my bike and yelled "My daughter is fasting, you little idiot!". I was so confused, asking myself "Can you not hit someone when they are fasting?, did he realize I wasn't fasting?, am I supposed to pity her?". His anger was justified, but what he said and what he did just didn't make sense, and to this day, I still don't know what he meant... Mr. Barbarian Turk, I hope you are sorry.

October 2, 2011

Waiting for Godot

One of the habits I quickly (had to!) rid myself of after moving to US was being late for everything. I still have this habit, -once in a while I am late for a meeting, a date or a movie, say about five minutes... OK, may be ten minutes... Well, fifteen at most, but hey, at least I call ahead of time! Many Turks don't call when they are late -be it going to their dental appointment, leading a session in a conference or meeting for a concert-, and not by just five or ten minutes but by more than fifteen minutes and sometimes by hours.

Once I am back in Turkey, I quickly adapt to this habit. Well, I am Turkish and being late is literally in my blood. But, what I don't get is how we corrupt those from other nationalities visiting Turkey; such as the British scientist at the research conference I attended this week, who was fifteen minutes overtime for his scheduled twenty-minute presentation. How does this happen, why does this happen and why is it so contagious?

Ministry of Science taking his time for his talk
The meeting I attended was the first stem cell conference in Turkey. Overall, it was good. Not like its European or American counterparts, though quite informative for researchers in Turkey whether they realize it or not. There were many organizational redundancies and unrelated talks which I am sure will be fixed in the following years. But what is not going to happen in the next meetings -or in any meeting in Turkey- is that the sessions will ever start or end on time... Somebody will be late (like the session chair arriving thirty minutes late),  or someone will not abide by the twenty-minute presentation rule (like almost everyone attending). I have seen cases in US where buses would arrive late and people would be upset about it. Here in Turkey, it is different. People are usually happy for waiting; most probably because they themselves arrived late too, and didn't have to miss anything...

Turkish Cafes on a typical weekday
I observed myself during the past ten days I have been in Turkey. I was late for most of my meet-ups with friends and had to call ahead of time. My parents were different, they just played it by the ear: 

B: Merih? I am so sorry I will be late by an hour, there is a lot of traffic!
M: Don't worry, I didn't leave yet either. 
B: Selen, I will be there by 3pm, not 2pm, is that OK?
S: Sure, I just woke up anyhow...
B: Dad, aren't you late for your 5pm dental appointment?
D: No, he said come after 5 not AT 5. 

Breakfast with the family
First, I thought I was late because I was on vacation (getting up late, being lazy, family visits, etc). But my friends were not on vacation, neither were my parents nor the organizers at the meeting. And yet, these people were late, too. Then, I thought it was the traffic; but you could easily avoid being late by taking alternate transportation or by just leaving a little earlier. Finally, I realized what was going on: it was the amount of time I spend on "talking" while having breakfast, lunch, or dinner. On an average day, you would find most of the population sitting around a table with tea or Turkish coffee or rakı in one hand and unfinished plates in front of them... Gathered around food, Turks love to talk, gossip, debate, sing, dance and sometimes even save the world (talk politics), or as the Turks say: "Dünyayı kurtardık!".

My return flight is in the afternoon with a German airline this week and I am worried that I will be late (happened twice before). If the pilot is not Turkish, I think I am in trouble!

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